And to completely discredit this blog...

Top 10 Ways to Survive the Christmas Mass

1) As a matter of tradition, do not start eating the popcorn until the mass has started.

2) Instead of "Away in a Manger", sing "Happy Birthday" to Santa Claus as the priest is entering the mass.

3) Blatantly insert a copy of today's newspaper in the Hymn book, and read it throughout the mass.

4) Continuously refer to Holy Communion as "the time where we can ingest chunks of Jesus".

5) When the collection basket comes your way, grab it, stand up, and exclaim "I WIN!!" and run out of the building.

6) When "the time to ingest chunks of Jesus" comes around, receive the Host and accuse the priest of false advertising, pointing out that the communion is only 1/4 the size of the Host that he held up at the alter earlier. If he refuses to give you the larger "priest-sized" Host, threaten to take your business elseware.

7) If wine is offered, violently grab the glass from the priest and chug its contents in a single gulp. Make a loud "AHHHHHHH" sound and stumble back to the pew.

8) When the priest has his head turned, perform an abortion on the nearest pregnant woman.

9) If the priest manages to turn his head again (as if he didn't learn his lesson the first time), have a gay orgy in the aisle.

10) At the conclusion of the mass, immediately stand up and applaud. Give the priest a playful punch to the shoulder, congratulating him for the fact that no little boy was molested for the entire mass.

And on that note... Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Boxing...

There always seems to be a giant fat-ass white guy battling againt an agile black man in a typical televised boxing match. Am I the only person that roots for the black guy just because of his race? It's as though the laws of racism are suddenly reversed for 12 rounds, and then when the bell rings, everything returns to the good old fashioned KKK mentality.

"I want to put a baby in there."
-"Bill the Pervert" pointing to the stomach of Amy Poehler on Saturday Night Live