I was having a conversation with one of my friends (Victoria) the other day and came up with a theory. A theory... OF THE UNIVERSE!!! Actually, to put things a tad more accurately, this is a theory of why so many women appear to have fallen in love with Johnny Depp.
Now personally, I could never really figure it out. Is it the anorexic body? The skin that looks like it's never touched the sun? The greasy, long black hair? The pubic hair moustache? Clearly not.
At that point, Vic started telling me that the first time he caught her eye was when she first saw the movie, Chocolat. And suddenly, the entire theory fell into place.
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There is a certain hilarious episode of Seinfeld where George attempts to combine his two sensual addictions: sex, and food. His crazy plan is to hide a foot long Italian sub under his bed. Then, while having sex, he sneaks away from his woman and takes a large bite of the sandwich. The next day, he has lunch with Jerry and orders yet another sub. After making exaggerated comments of "ohhhhh, this sandwich is sooo good", George suddenly feels the urge to go to sleep upon finishing his meal. Immediately, Jerry devises a theory that after combining his two favourite experiences, George no longer has the capacity to distinguish between them.
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As such, the theory is obvious. All you have to do is ask any girl the question, "is chocolate is better than sex?" Everybody knows what the answer to that is. So, Ladies... let me be the first to tell you:
JOHNNY DEPP IS NOT A CHOCOLATE BAR!
Thank you.
